Mom's daily grind.
2005-05-25 3:27 p.m.

The million dollar question:

What is my mothers malfunction?

Everyday. It's the same thing. "I feel like shit", "I have cramps", "I have a headache", "I gotta go cocky", "I gotta go to the store", "I gotta do the laundry", "I have my period", "I'm so stupid", "I'm so ugly", "I'm so skinny"...

"I don't want to f_____g cook", "I don't want to clean", "Cal made me cook him dinner and then he wouldn't even eat it", "My tampon is pinching me", "I hate taking showers", "I don't remember the last time I brushed my hair"...

Mom? Are you in there? You used to be a smart woman with superior hygene, full of beauty, courage, strength, confidence, independence, and beaming with life.
Now when we talk, we discuss the reasons why you feel as though you haven't grown up. We talk about how you feel like you need someone to hold your hand at all times. Sometimes we argue over whether or not it is healthy to want to lock yourself inside the house and not leave. I lecture you on how you aren't taking proper care of yourself by drinking coffee throughout the day but only eating one small meal. You tell me that you're turning into a skeleton. I look at you and see someone that needs much more help than anyone here can give you.
You can't tell me that you are living a life that fills you with meaning and purpose. You can't tell me that you are just goofing on yourself when you talk sh*t about yourself. You can't try to make jokes and laugh about things when you're totally miserable on the inside. I see right through you.
I can see the vicious cycle that you are putting yourself through. Day after day, you destroy yourself and all I can do is just sit and watch. Noone else can help you until you want to be helped.