I'm a fucking loser! YAY!
2015-10-02 2:18 p.m.

I've been drinking insane amounts of caffeine just so I can stay up later while I wait for texts from this fucking beast of a man. I think we've both realized we needed to let up on going back and forth.. the middle of the night texts said it all even if it's only random funny shit from the internet.. it's a gesture that says "I'm awake in the middle of the night thinking of you", words aren't necessary to convey it. It's been really difficult especially because whenever I think of him I am transported back in time to May when he was leaving. Thinking of when I looked up from staring at the garage floor and he was already staring at me and then not even looking away once I caught him.. I shouldn't have looked away. I won't ever be the first to look away again.

Neither of us has acknowledged what happened.. it was so intense that it's not something I think we could ever discuss. Maybe someday, who knows.